


What Am I Supposed to Do (If There's No You)?

by Signsofsam



Series: I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends To This) [10]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, Family Feels, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, Slice of Life, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:49:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23917816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signsofsam/pseuds/Signsofsam
Summary: “Baby, you are not allowed to do this to me.”Buck’s voice trembles, his hand shakes as he holds Eddie’s limp  hand tight. “I’m supposed to be the one making irrational decisions in the field, but I’ll forgive you this one time as long as you come back to me.” He presses a kiss onto Eddie’s knuckles, skin still smelling of smoke and sweat. “Please, sweetheart, please don’t do this to me.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends To This) [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584202
Comments: 27
Kudos: 413
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	What Am I Supposed to Do (If There's No You)?

**Author's Note:**

> So, this story takes place about 10 years in the future. There are obviously characters in this story that there aren't backstories for, but don't worry, they're coming. I have a whole timeline written out. 
> 
> Also, I'm just hand-waving the medical stuff. The closest I've come to being a doctor is all the _Grey's Anatomy_ , _E.R._ , and _Chicago Med_ I've watched. 
> 
> Title is from _Soon You'll Get Better_ by Taylor Swift.

“Baby, you are not allowed to do this to me.”

Buck’s voice trembles, his hand shakes as he holds Eddie’s limp hand tight. “I’m supposed to be the one making irrational decisions in the field, but I’ll forgive you this one time as long as you come back to me.” He presses a kiss onto Eddie’s knuckles, skin still smelling of smoke and sweat. “Please, sweetheart, please don’t do this to me.”

 _We’ve only had twelve years together, love; you can’t leave me so soon._ They’re the words Buck wants to say out loud, but can’t, because if he does...it makes Eddie’s death a possibility, and he doesn’t want to think about that. He rubs the skin where Eddie’s ring should be, but it’s in Buck’s pocket now, safe and sound on the chain of his St. Christopher medallion. As soon as his bone-headed husband wakes up, he’ll give them back, but for now, he’ll guard the jewelry with his life.

It’s always a possibility to get hurt badly on a call, especially a raging apartment fire. But Eddie was supposed to be right behind him, at the end of clearing the third floor. Buck had the little girl they’d found in the back apartment, so he was first through, and then there was a crackle, and then a giant hole in the floor, and no Eddie, the klaxon of his PASS device lost in the churning smoke and dust. By the time Buck had gotten out, and handed the little girl off to the paramedics, Bobby and the others had Eddie out. By the worried glances Bobby and Chim were shooting him, Buck knew it was bad.

Everything seemed to move in slow flashes of different memories after that. He’s pretty sure Bobby forced him to get looked over. He’s not sure who got him to the hospital. There were snippets of conversations-Bobby, Chim, maybe even Athena and Maddie, but nothing he clearly remembers. Life around him moved, but he was stuck; Eddie had fallen and Eddie was hurt and _oh god what if he dies_?

The doctor’s hopeful, though, so Buck clings to that hope now, just as much as he clings to Eddie’s hand.

The door to the hospital room opens, and Buck steels himself inside when he hears the distinct clack of Chris’ crutches. “Bucky?” 

Chris is an adult now, nearly twenty-one, but he sounds so young at this moment, so lost and hopeless and devastated, and Buck stands, willing himself to let go of Eddie’s hand so he can comfort their son. It works, but only because Buck knows Eddie would chastise him for not helping Chris. _No, you dolt, it works because you’re always going to put Chris’ needs before your own_ , the Eddie-in-his-head corrects, though it’s fond and gentle teasing over brusque criticism, and Buck squeezes Chris extra tight as he hugs him. “It’s going to be okay, kid,” Buck murmurs, finally catching Chris’ eyes, red and puffy and tear-swollen. “He’s going to be okay.”

Chris nods, wiping at the tears. “I know. He has us here. But he’s so still. It’s not like him. Oh, and Nate’s in the hallway. He didn’t want to _intrude,_ ” Chris says it in his annoyed tone, but he gives Buck a look as he steals the chair by his dad’s side, depositing his crutches carefully. “I’ll keep an eye on Dad for us while you deal with him and his nonsense; Dad needs all of us here for him.”

God, Buck loves his son. 

_Both his sons_ , he amends, looking out the door, where he can make out the lanky form of his other son, sitting against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest, not comfortable enough to come in the room, but not wanting to be far, either. Nathan’s always felt that he was on the margins of his family, though Eddie and Buck had always tried to make sure he knew he was just as much a Buckley-Diaz as the rest of them, he just happened to join the family a little later in life. “You know Eddie is going to be upset when he wakes up and he’s missing one of his kids,” Buck starts, sitting beside his oldest child.

“Chris is there,” Nate murmurs, though Buck can see how his hands clutch at his knees, knuckles white from how tight he’s gripping. 

“I believe I said all his kids. You’d be one of them, according to that stack of adoption papers we signed all those years ago. And Josie’s on her way, so don’t try that card, either.” He keeps his voice light, because, besides the obvious, something is _wrong_ with Nate. “Bud-”

Nate’s sob is ragged, and he shakes his head. “I can’t. I just...I can’t right now, Buck. It’s _Eddie_. What if-what if it doesn’t go our way? I don’t…I don’t know that I can face that. I know how bad that makes me, and what a horrible son, after all you’ve done for me-” And now, all Buck can see is the fifteen-year-old they welcomed into their home eight years before, breaking down in the kitchen, Eddie wrapping him in one of his Diaz-sized hugs and telling him it was going to be okay, no matter what, that Nate had a home and he had people that cared about him. 

And Buck finally understands the _wrong_ he was feeling as he sat: Nate can’t face Eddie lying unconscious in the hospital bed because he’s so afraid to lose him.

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Buck interrupts, and Nate looks up at him with wide hazel eyes as Buck wraps an arm around him, pulling him into a side-hug as Nate melts into him. “You are a wonderful son, to me, and to Eddie. We love telling everyone we possibly can about how proud you make us, about how fantastic of a big brother you are to Chris and Josie. You’re worried right now, worried and scared. Let me let you in on a little secret: _me too_. I am terrified I’m going to lose the love of my life. I’m terrified I’m going to have to raise Josie alone, and go to all of your weddings and graduations alone and be a grandfather alone. I am terrified I’m going to have to figure out how to live my life alone. But since we’ve been out here, I realize, no matter what, I’m not going to go through this alone, because I will have you and Chris and Josie. We’ve got each other. I’m scared to death, but I’m a little less scared of the outcome because all of us will be with him, willing him to come back, and honestly, Eddie’s a stubborn bastard, and I don’t think he could tell any of you no.” He kisses the side of Nate’s forehead, running a hand through the messy mop of curls before he stands, wincing as his bones creak. He stops just before he goes back into the room. “Take all the time you need, kiddo. I’ll be right inside. Please just...no matter what, don’t forget that you’re not alone. I promise we won’t leave you alone through this.”

\--//--//--

“-and I hadn’t gotten a chance to tell you guys yet before _this_ , but I got the job in LA, so I can stay close. I know you guys need more help with Abuela now that she’s getting older, so you can count on me.” The words are barely above a whisper, but they wake Buck. He’s been asleep in the highly uncomfortable chair by Eddie’s side, insisting that Chris and Josie share the cot they brought into the room, but now he does his best to stay still, because Nate is in Eddie’s room. He manages to open his eyes just enough that he can see Nate standing just to the side of Buck, gripping Eddie’s hand tight. “I’m sorry it took me so long out there; I just-Eddie... _Dad_...I wasn’t sure how I’d take losing you. You know, my real dad died when I was so little, and then Mom died, and...you and Buck were the first people who truly cared about me after she died. You were the ones who loved me. I was all alone, and I didn’t think anyone wanted me, but you two just...I tried so hard to stay distant, and you wouldn't let me. You wormed your way into my heart, so don’t you dare die on me now. Chris and Josie and I are supposed to bury you when you are old, after you and Buck have so many years of happiness together, after you get to live a long life.” He sighs, leaning down to kiss Eddie’s forehead, and Buck instinctively wants to hug him tight and figure out how to make all his worries go away.

 _If you’d just wake up, baby, it’d make everything okay again_.

“But...but if you can’t hang on,” Nate continues, his voice still soft, though there’s a tremor now. “I understand. I don’t want you to go anywhere. But...if you have to, please know that I’ll take care of Chris and Josie, and I’ll make sure Buck sees the other side of it, too. Just please don’t make me. Please-”

“ _Mijo_ ,” Eddie breathes out, and Buck is out of his chair in an instant. “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. Got too much here to leave behind.” He’s pulling at Nate’s hand weakly, urging him into what loose half-ish hug he can give, even as he winces. He meets Buck’s gaze, eyes half-opened, and Buck _knows_ there are tears streaming down his face as he mouths “I love you” and Eddie repeats them back.

“God, you scared us.” Those weren’t supposed to be Buck’s first words to his husband after his near-death experience, but they came out unwillingly as soon as Buck opened his mouth. He can hear Nate’s peal of laughter from across the room where he was rousing Chris and Josie, and he leans into the words with a wide, happy smile. “I mean it, Diaz. You scared the shit out of me. This is supposed to work the other way; you’re the one who is supposed to be getting gray hairs from me. I’m not old enough to be a widower.” Even as he’s saying the word (and really, he never wants the word _widower_ to come out of his mouth ever again), he’s fishing Eddie’s battered wedding ring out of his pocket, and slipping it back onto Eddie’s hand where it belongs, pressing a small, relieved kiss against the cool metal.

“Sorry, _mi amor,_ ” Eddie whispers, blinking owlishly, already worn out from his few minutes of wakefulness. “I’ll try not to...to fall through the floor next time.” He manages to hug each of his kids before sleep overtakes him, and Buck leaves the kids on Dad!watch as he goes to find a nurse, to update all their friends and family that have been camped out in the waiting room for hours with the good news. Buck knows this nightmare isn’t over, but the most important step has been taken: Eddie’s woken up.

He’s going to get more time.

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna lie, I'm suuuuupppeeerrr anxious about this one. I hope everyone likes it, because I usually don't insert my own OCs into stories, and I kinda just did here. Hope you all enjoy; thanks in advance for the kudos and comments!


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